Go It A Loan
by LanieSullivan
Summary: Lee is worried about Amanda when she is desperate to get her full-time agent status back after her shooting and he's on a mission to figure out why she's working so hard. Set post-series, mystery marriage is no longer a mystery.
1. A Loan Again---Naturally

Lee walked purposefully into the bullpen, a man on a mission. He strode quickly to Francine's desk and questioned impatiently, "Have you seen Amanda?"

The blonde chuckled and replied archly, "You've been married for what - ten minutes - and you've already lost track of the little woman? Maybe you should put a leash on her. Or maybe one of those little collars with the bells so you can always hear her coming. Now that I think about it, that might be useful for all of us around here."

Lee rolled his eyes. "Knock it off, Francine. I just wanted to see if you knew where she was. She was supposed to meet me upstairs half an hour ago after her class ended so we could go to lunch together and I haven't seen hide nor hair of her since we got to work this morning."

"Like I said, a collar with a bell," she teased.

"Francine-" he huffed irritably.

"Okay, okay, she came in this morning and asked Billy if she could set up some time with Dr. Pain during her lunch hour."

"Again?" Lee's brow furrowed in concern. "That's the third time this week she's wanted extra sessions with him."

Francine nodded. "Yep. You know, I have to admire her determination to get back into full form after her shooting, signing up for extra classes with Beaman, going extra rounds with Stanley, working all the overtime she can on even the most mundane of surveillance assignments..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all about it, Francine. That's what's bothering me," he explained. "I see her less now than I did when we were still keeping our marriage a secret."

"Well, you know what they say, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder,' so maybe this will be a good thing for the two of you and prove the gossip hounds wrong on the pool they've got going over how long it will be before you end up in divorce court."

"Really, Francine?"

"Hey, I didn't take part in it," she defended herself. "But, come on, Lee, when you made your big announcement a couple of weeks ago, you had to know people around here would talk."

"Well, I don't care about their talk. What I do care about is my wife and her running herself ragged trying to do too much too soon. You may have come to visit a couple of times during her recovery, but you weren't there for the really bad stuff when she couldn't even dress herself."

"Look, Lee, I know it was rough, but I see this as a good thing. It means that she's feeling comfortable enough to dive back in. That should make you happy because you'll finally have your partner back instead of being stuck with me all the time for the really big jobs. Once she gets her approval to get back to full-time agent status, we can all get back to normal. You and Amanda together and me doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Plus, Billy can stop driving the poor Steno girls nuts when I'm not around to help him like I normally do."

"I just don't want her to hurt herself," he replied worriedly. "I wish she'd slow down a bit."

"You're talking to the wrong person here, Lee. You should talk to her about that."

"Right, as if she ever listens to me," he chuckled.

"True, but still it couldn't hurt to try."

"Yeah, you're right. I think I'll go pay a visit to Stanley, talk to her and maybe make sure he's not abusing her too much while I'm at it."

"Good plan. We both know all too well how Stanley can be," she chuckled.

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Stewing all the way there, Lee finally walked into Stanley's makeshift dojo just in time to see his wife land flat on her back with an "Oof!"

"Amanda!" Lee cried just as she was getting to her feet. "God, are you okay?"

She glanced over to him and in a reassuring tone, explained, "I'm fine. I just didn't block that last kick in time," then immediately turned her attention back to her sparring partner ready to square off again.

"Very good, Mrs. Stetson," Stanley complimented her as he resumed his fighting stance. "You're learning quickly."

"Hold it!" Lee made a time-out sign with his hands. "Time-out here."

"Mr. Stetson, how many times must I say this; a trained killer will not give you a time-out."

"I know, I know, but I need a moment with my wife if you don't mind."

Stanley nodded and retreated to his adjoining office space, closing the door behind him.

"Amanda, what the hell are you doing?" Lee hissed once they were alone.

"What does it look like? I'm training."

"At lunch time? What about our plans?" When she stared at him blankly, he replied more insistently, "Randy's...lunch...that red velvet cake you like so much for dessert? We talked about this just yesterday."

"Oh, was that today? Lee, Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I thought that was for Friday and I thought I had my lunch time free to get in a little more practice at my hand-to-hand."

"For the third time this week," he pointed out. "And that was after you didn't come home until 2AM because you were out on a surveillance job half the night, which you didn't tell me about until the last minute. THEN you were back up at 5 to get the boys off to school and in Beaman's class by 7, and now this? Amanda, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing," she replied with a shrug, but wouldn't meet his eyes as she reached for a towel to mop the sweat from her brow. "I just want to get back to where I was. You know that. I lost so much momentum in my training with my recovery and taking so long to heal."

"You're still healing Amanda. Dr. Kelford said himself that you're not 100% yet and should still take things a little easy."

"He also said I should keep physically active to get my muscles back into shape. All those weeks of not being able to use my left arm very well because of my injury left me with some muscle atrophy setting in and while the physical therapy is helping, it's not quite enough for Agency standards to get me back to full-time status."

"But why are you so worried about it? I've told you, Billy's told you, Francine's told you - hell, even Dr. Smyth told you - that you should take as much time as you need to get your full strength back."

"I just want things back to normal," she answered in a clipped tone. "Look, I know you're all being so patient with me, but look at the strain it's putting on everybody else. With Francine helping you, she's not available to help Billy as much which means a strain on the Steno Pool for temps to fill in and they don't know this place as well as Francine does. Plus, you're getting irritated with having her instead of me because she doesn't think the way I do and make the same kind of intuitive leaps that I do and-"

"Which is why it's good to have you in the Q as a backup, so if Francine and I need that kind of intuitive leap, we can call you. Not to mention, there's no reason that you couldn't help Billy when he needs it instead of him making the Steno girls nuts. You do type 90 words a minute, after all."

Amanda shook her head. "Not so much anymore. I don't type quite as well as I used to either. Why do you think I've been taking on extra work from Steno to help out whenever they pull one of those girls to assist Billy? I need more practice there too." She hung her head sadly. "I've lost so much since I was shot, Lee. I need to get it all back."

"I know that, Amanda, and I admire your go-get-'em attitude, but the firing range at lunch yesterday, the surveillance job last night, this today...when are you going to start practicing being a wife and mother again? Do you know how many questions from the boys I had to dodge last night when you weren't home for dinner and I was?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't home last night, but you know just as well as I do that with the Agency, sometimes things just come up at the last minute."

"I know they do, but don't you think you're pushing yourself just a little too hard? I know how badly you want to get back in shape-"

"Do you?" She glowered at him. "I don't think you do. You don't know what it's like from my perspective. I worked so hard for three years here to prove myself; to prove that I was more than just a housewife, that I have what it takes to do this job. Then Dr. Smyth finally offered me a full-time job and I was enrolled in the Agent Candidate program and I was excelling at it, even beating your test scores and now, I feel like I'm right back where I started and having to prove myself all over again."

"No, Amanda, you're not. Everyone around here knows how capable you are and not one person in this building expects you to be at the top of your game when you nearly died just a little over three months ago. Every single field agent that you see in the bullpen every day has been injured in one way or another on the job and they all know how hard it is to bounce back from and some never fully bounce back. Look at Fred, he was shot once, in the leg of all things, 5 years ago and he's still skittish. Why do you think he runs from confrontation instead of fighting?"

"Well, I don't run. You know that. I never have."

"Oh, believe me, I know," he snorted. "I can't count the number of times I've told you to stay behind when you didn't, but you just made my point for me. You're braver than any ten agents out there, but you don't need to do this to yourself. No one's going to hold it against you for taking more time to get back to full-time status. Yes, it's a challenge right now with you on light duty only, but we're managing. Please, don't make me worry about you any more than I already have been."

"I'm sorry if I've worried you, but I need to get back to full-time status where I can do more than just these little hands-off surveillance jobs. I _have_ to. And you know very well that to get there, I have to re-qualify with Stanley. That's the next step and Dr. Kelford approved my training sessions with him as long as I don't overdo it."

"But don't you think three times in one week IS overdoing it?"

"Not if I want to get back to where I was. I HAVE to do this!"

"Why? Why is this so damned important to you that you'd take a chance of risking your health over it?"

Again, she averted her eyes from his and replied softly, "It just...is." Quickly shifting gears, she gave him a shove toward the door. "Listen, I appreciate your concern. It's really very sweet, but I should get Stanley out here so I can get back to work. I've got a lot of ground to cover if I want to get back in shape."

"But-" He attempted to argue, but was cut off by the door being closed in his face. "Amanda!"

He shook his head as he wondered just what was going on with her. It was clear that she was doing this for more than just maintaining her reputation, but whatever it was, it was also obvious she didn't want to talk about it. He didn't like having his wife keeping secrets from him. He made up his mind to get to the bottom of it once and for all.


	2. The Lone Wolf Versus the Loan Shark

In Billy's office, Lee was more frustrated than ever when his boss explained, "Lee, I don't know any more than you do about why Amanda is suddenly on this drive to get her agent status back. She hasn't talked to you about it?"

"If she'd talked to me about it, do you think I'd be asking you?"

"Well, maybe you should try talking to her about it," Billy suggested.

"I tried and a fat lot of good it did. She's up to something and I don't know what. That's why I came to you, hoping you might know something I don't since Francine said she came to you asking about setting up her time with Dr. Pain."

"Lee, all I can really tell you is that she's been on a mission to get back to normal and asking for all the extra training and milk run assignments she can get her hands on."

"Well, can't you just tell her no once in awhile?" Lee pleaded. "I'm really worried about her and what this might be doing to her."

"Lee, I know she's your wife and you're concerned, but that's not enough of a reason for me to stop her; not when I've got glowing progress reports from both Dr. Kelford and from Claudia."

"Claudia, huh?" The wheels in his head began turning as he thought of another place he could go for answers.

"Yes, you know after a trauma like she experienced, it's required for an agent to have regular visits with one of the Agency's psychiatrists."

"Right. Sure," he replied distractedly. "Thanks, Billy." He smiled at his friend. "I have to go."

A few minutes later, his good mood faded again as he stood over Claudia Joyce's desk glaring down at her. "Come on, Claudia, she's my wife, dammit! Don't you think I have a right to know what's going on with her?"

"Of course, you do, Scarecrow, but I still can't disclose what's in my confidential patient files. You know the rules on that as well as anyone."

"Oh? Well, you didn't seem to have a problem with it when Billy forgot a whole weekend, did you?"

"That was different and you know it. I had Billy's consent to share that information with you and Amanda and _only_ you and Amanda. She hasn't given me that kind of permission to share her files with anyone... and that includes you, so other than the progress reports I'm required to send Billy on whether or not she's stable, those files are staying right where they are...locked in my filing cabinet."

" _Is_ she stable? Can you at least tell me that? I mean, if you can tell Billy, surely you can tell me. I'm her husband, for crying out loud!"

She shook her head. "Not without her permission...or Billy's. Maybe you should talk to him. He's a married man himself, so maybe he'd understand why it's so important to you."

"Yeah. Thanks for nothing," he grumbled as he stormed out of her office.

Back in Billy's office ten minutes later, Lee was pacing as he railed at his boss, "Can you believe her? This is my wife we're talking about!"

"Lee, you've got to calm down and stop trying to burn a path in my carpet," the older man ordered. When Lee sat down to face him, he continued, "You know perfectly well that Claudia was absolutely right in not sharing Amanda's confidential information with you without her permission. Even as her supervisor, I only get Claudia's report on her mental state and nothing at all from their private conversations."

"At least you get _something_ ," Lee groused irritably.

"Look, all I can tell you is that Claudia believes she's fine; a little too driven, but she also said she thinks that's healthy after a life-threatening trauma like this. Claudia has been around a long time and she's seen way too many agents get bogged down in depression when they can't do all the things they used to, but she says that's not the case with Amanda. She hadn't once let it get her down. She's just the opposite in fact, she's obsessed with getting back to the things she wants to do and knows she _can_ do."

" _Too_ obsessed maybe?" Worry lines appeared on Lee's face as he thought of just how much Amanda was wearing herself out.

"I guess time will tell. What I'd suggest at this point is just be patient with her. She's overcome a lot, but she still has a lot more to overcome. You, of all people, know how hard it is."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for the talk, Billy." He rose from his seat.

"If it makes you feel any better, Beaman says she's still acing all her classes. You should be proud of her."

"I guess." Lee gave his friend a half-smile before heading for the door.

His next stop proved to be less fruitful. "What is it you want from me, Stetson?" Beaman demanded. "You said Billy told you she's acing all her classes and she is. There's not much more that I can tell you."

"You can tell me what the hell she's up to!" Lee yelled.

"As far as I can tell, she's just trying to catch up on what she missed when she was out. And she's doing a fantastic job at it."

"Great," Lee responded sarcastically.

"Look, I don't know what you want from me other than that. She doubled up on classes so she could catch up. I tell you she's doing a great job and you're still not happy. You bitched at me just a few months ago about easing up on her and I have. Would you prefer I go back the old way?"

"No, I just...I just wish I knew why she's pushing herself so hard."

"If I had to guess, I'd say it's just what it looks like; she got behind in her classes when she was shot and now, she's working doubly hard to catch up. You should respect that. She is your protégée, after all. The fact that she's doing so well should make you happy."

"You know, I wish everyone would quit saying that. Francine said I should admire how hard she's working and her determination to get back to normal, Billy said I should be proud of her and now, you."

"Well, if everyone is saying the same thing, maybe you should listen. Look, I have another class in ten minutes so I need to go, but if you're really that concerned, you should talk to her."

"Yeah," he muttered morosely as he meandered out of Beaman's office wondering what he should do now. He supposed he could talk to Leatherneck about her firearms training or Stanley about her hand-to-hand, but what good would it really do him? He was sure that he'd just get more of the same, 'she's doing great, you should be proud, blah, blah, blah.' As he was heading toward the outside elevator lost in his thoughts, he heard someone behind him shouting his name. He turned to see a woman he sort of recognized hurrying toward him dressed in a crisp suit and carrying a thick file.

"Mr. Stetson!" she cried again as she hustled to his side. "I'm so glad I caught up to you. I've been looking for you all day."

"I'm sorry and you are?"

"Andrea." She answered as she tried to catch her breath. "Andrea Bayne." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I'm with the credit union."

Lee whispered back snarkily, "Why are we whispering?"

Still in a hushed tone, she explained, "Well, I...uh...I didn't think you'd want anyone else knowing your personal business. Is there...uh...someplace we can talk in private? We could go to my office."

"No, mine's closer," he replied. "I was just heading back up there." He indicated the elevator.

"That will work." She breathed a sigh of relief as they stepped into the elevator together. "I can't tell you how glad I am to have finally found you. I've been trying to catch up with you all day, but every time someone could tell me where you were, by the time I'd get there, you were already gone."

"Well, it's been a busy day."

"I'm sure. I can't imagine what a day in the life of a spy must be like."

"No, you can't." He snorted as he thought of how much of his day had been wasted just trying to figure out what his wife was up to. As the elevator door opened, he waved her toward it. "After you."

"Thank you," she replied politely. Once they were in the Q Bureau with the door closed, she became all business as she shuffled through her papers. "Now, since you've already had a busy day, I won't waste any more of your time." She handed him a letter from her file. "But I'm sure you can understand why we're a bit concerned here."

"What is this?" He looked it over and as he read what she'd handed him, let out a low whistle. "Well, that explains it," he said to himself.

"Explains what?" She nodded to the letter. "If there's something going on that we need to know about, I'd appreciate if you could let me in on it. The job of a collections officer is never easy and I-"

"Collections officer, right," he muttered. "Listen, I'm sorry you had to go through so much trouble to track me down. I assure you, I'll take care of this right now."

Seeing that he wore a tight-lipped, almost grim expression, she chimed in, "Well, I'm very sorry to have bothered you with this, but we did contact your wife first, you know, since she was the main borrower on the loan and she explained that her property taxes had come due at the same time as the loan payment and that she hadn't been working as much since her...um...her injury, so since she'd never been late on a payment before, we were able to grant her a one-time extension, but now she's two payments behind and since you were the co-signer...we did send you a copy of that letter, but I-"

"I understand," he nodded as he reached for his checkbook. "I probably didn't get it because I just moved and haven't put in a change of address with the post office yet. And to be honest, I haven't been that great at checking the mail at my old place." He gestured to the file she still held. "How much is it?"

Again, she shuffled through her papers. "Well, two late payments, plus late fees, interest and-"

"I mean, how much is the whole balance?" he interrupted.

"The whole thing?"

"Yes, I just want to pay the whole damn thing off so neither you nor I have to deal with it anymore." Though he would have to deal with his wife and find out why she'd kept it from him.

Once she gave him the amount due, and he'd written the appropriate check and sent her on her way, he sank down into his desk chair to examine the letter. It was addressed to him, not Amanda, informing him that she was in danger of defaulting on the loan. He'd completely forgotten that he'd even co-signed it for her until now. As he read it over and over again, he now understood why Amanda was killing herself to work so much. What he didn't understand was why she hadn't told him about it or let him help with it. Weren't they supposed to be partners in everything? She'd said herself she was ready to be his work partner again, but why wasn't she ready to really be his life partner?


	3. You're Not Alone

Lee caught up with Amanda just as she was ready to step into the internal elevator, grabbed her by the arm and steered her toward the one that led to the lobby. "We need to talk...now," he hissed.

"But, Lee," she protested. "I'm supposed to be down at the firing range in ten minutes."

"To hell with the firing range," he barked as he forcefully jabbed the elevator button while keeping a firm grip on her arm to prevent her from bolting. "We're talking about this...now."

"Talking about what?" she questioned as he prodded her into the elevator.

"I'll tell you as soon as we're upstairs where there are no cameras," he answered in a clipped tone. "The last thing we need is the gossip hounds spreading it all over the place that we're fighting already."

"Are we fighting? I didn't think we were fighting. Is there some fight going that I don't know about?"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you already know what this is all about," he retorted with a scowl as the elevator opened and he marched her up the stairs toward their shared office.

Once inside with the door closed, she whirled on him. "Okay, so what is so important that you're making me miss my slot at the firing range?"

Lee strode to his desk and picked up the letter he'd been given and thrust it toward her. "This, Amanda," he snapped.

"What is it?" She reached for it, but he kept a tight hold on it.

"You don't know? You should." He tapped the paper with on hand while holding it with the other. "This is a collections letter from the Agency Credit Union."

"Oh," she responded meekly.

"Oh? That's all you have to say about this?" He began pacing as his irritation grew. "Well, I get it now, why you've been busting your ass to get back to full-time status and the full salary that goes along with it."

"Lee, I'm sorry. I never meant to let you down and when you agreed to co-sign that loan for me, I never intended to get behind on it. I promise, I'll take care of it." 

"Do you really think that's what this is about? I don't give a damn about you taking care of it or that fact that I was accosted by Andrea from the credit union!" He blew up. "Answer a question for me; why the hell did you want to end our secrecy and have me move in with you if it wasn't to be a real part of the family?"

"Lee, you ARE a real part of the family," Amanda countered. "One thing has nothing to do with the other."

"The hell it doesn't!" he shouted, getting angrier by the minute. "Dammit, Amanda, I'm your husband! That means I have a responsibility to you and to the kids, but how can I live up to that responsibility if you don't let me in on what's going on?"

"That's your uncle talking, not you," she fired back.

"Maybe so, but no matter what beefs I may have with The Colonel, he did teach me a sense of duty and I fully intend to live up to that."

"Oh, is that what we are to you...a duty?"

"No, of course not. You know I didn't mean it that way. But I knew going in when I asked you to marry me that I was signing up for a package deal, you the kids, the house, the mortgage - all of it, but I can't be a part of that if you don't let me."

"But, Lee, the debts that I incurred before we were a couple aren't your responsibility. They're mine and mine alone. Why can't you understand that?"

"Why can't you understand that I _need_ to be a part of this if I'm going to live up to my obligations as a husband and father?"

"But it's NOT your obligation! I mean, I know you co-signed that loan and I'm sorry that it makes you look bad that I'm late on the payments, but it was MY-"

"Amanda, stop! Just...stop!" He cut her off before she could get started again with the same argument. "Stop saying that because you're very wrong about that!" He let out a frustrated sigh as he waved around the letter. "Look, we can argue until the cows come home about what is or isn't my responsibility, but it doesn't change the fact that you LIED to me! Do you really think that I'm just pissed because you're late on the loan payment that I co-signed for? I'm more pissed that you kept this from me and I had to hear about it from someone I barely know at the Agency Credit Union instead of my own wife. When we decided to come clean about our marriage, didn't we agree that secrets are bad?"

"I'm sorry," she replied sheepishly as she looked down at the floor. "You're right. I shouldn't have kept this from you, but since I made the decision to take out that loan on my own, I really thought that I should take care of it on my own. I didn't want to get you involved since you weren't living there then."

"Well, I am now," he retorted. "I get it. You didn't think I should have to pay the loan because it was your loan before we were really a serious couple, but what about the property taxes for this year, huh? I could've helped when they came due if you would have just talked to me about it. Then you wouldn't have been late on the loan payment trying to do both at once."

"But, Lee, you weren't living there when the tax bill came either. Why should you have to help with a bill that happened before you moved in?"

"No, you're right, I wasn't living there then, but we were still married then, Amanda, which still means I should've helped. Besides, it's mostly my fault that we weren't living together then because the stupid mystery marriage was my idea."

"But I agreed to it," she threw in.

"Yes, but either way, I was still your husband when you got that bill and therefore, I still should have been supporting my family and _you_ should've let me. You can keep arguing all you like, but this is one argument you're not going to win."

Lee-" she began to protest again, but stopped when she saw him shaking his head.

"No, Amanda, I mean it!" He shook the letter at her again. "I'm taking care of this and that's final!"

"Oh, so you think now that you're my husband, you can just bark orders at me and expect me to obey? That didn't work with Joe and it won't work with you. Besides, I don't recall that being included in our marriage vows anywhere!"

"This isn't about me expecting you to obey me; this is about doing what's right for our family! AND since you brought up Joe, I might add that that's something he never seemed to worry much about when he was off to God knows where all the time while he had a family at home!"

"Don't start in on Joe again!"

"Hey, you're the one who brought him into this, not me!" he retorted hotly, his anger flaring again. "But while we're on the subject, why did you have to take out that loan in the first place to pay last year's taxes? Why the hell didn't he offer to help since this is the house his kids live in?"

"Because he didn't know about it. I mean, if he had, I'm sure he would have offered to help, but I-" She hedged as she tried to explain her thought process at the time.

"But you what, Amanda?"

"I didn't want him to know, okay? He already pays child support every month and since his name is no longer on the house, I didn't feel like he should be responsible for the expenses that go with it."

"But you were perfectly fine asking me for help?" he questioned.

"If you recall, I didn't ask you for help other than a ride to the bank since my car was in the shop, which you failed to do, by the way."

"Oh, I know. I remember exactly how pissed you were at me over it."

"Yes, and then you offered to co-sign a loan for me at the Agency Credit Union, which I _never_ asked you to do."

"But you had no trouble accepting it," he fired back. "And that's what I really don't get. You were perfectly fine with my co-signing your loan for you when we were just dating and now that we're married, you act like it's the most awful thing in the world to accept my help. I offered to help you because I knew even then that we were going somewhere; that I wanted a real future with you, so why are you acting as if I'm not part of the equation here?"

"Because it's not-"

"My responsibility," he finished for her. "You keep saying that, but you're wrong, dead wrong so would you for once just stop being so damned stubborn?" He let out a long breath as he tried to calm himself. "Look, no more arguing, okay? It's a moot point anyway because I already wrote a check to pay off the whole damned thing. It's a done deal."

"Lee...I wish you hadn't done that." She hung her head. How could she make him understand that despite everything, she still wanted to have some semblance of independence?

As if reading her mind, he hooked a finger under her chin to get her to look at him again, "Look, I know you've been doing everything by yourself for so long that you've just gotten used to taking on the whole burden and handling it, but you have me now and I want to help. I _should_ help and I'm not Joe. You don't have to put all this stress on yourself because you think you can't count on me."

"Lee, that's not what I was doing. I know I can count on you," she assured him.

"Do you?"

"Yes!" she insisted.

"The way you cut me out of this, it sure as hell doesn't feel like it."

"I never mean to make you feel that way and I'm sorry if I did. I just wanted...I just..." She sighed. "I don't know what I wanted for sure anymore. I just know that when I was married to Joe, I - well, I hid what I really wanted for a long time to make him happy and I felt like I'd lost something of myself along the way, but with you, I can be me again. I don't have to hide anything from you about what I want out of life."

"So, why'd you hide this?"

"Because I knew you'd do just what you did; step in and take care of it and I didn't want that - not because I don't want you to be a part of the family or because I don't want your help - but because I didn't want to get sucked into that trap again of losing myself."

"Amanda, it's just a loan. How does that equal losing yourself?"

"Because like you said, I've been doing it alone for so long that I've become...sort of...independent, you know, relying only on myself to get things done and I thought...I don't know...that if I let you help with something that happened before we were married, I'd be right back in that same boat, slowly giving up my independence and a bit of myself in the process. And I know that sounds silly since this loan is just a small thing, but small things lead to big things and-"

"Amanda, I've never asked you to give up your independence. I fell in love with the strong, capable woman that you are and I'd never want to change that, but I also don't like being shut out. We need to start doing things together. That doesn't mean giving up who you are; it just means now you have someone to help share the load and you need to let me start sharing it and stop trying to work yourself to death."

"But I-"

"Amanda, please, I'm not just asking for me, but for the kids too. They'd like to have their mom home for dinner more often. And your mother, I know she misses you too. You're already piling me with the burden of having to explain to them where you are when you're gone, but if you'd share the rest of it with me, it wouldn't have to be that way."

"Yeah, okay," she finally conceded. "I guess I have been a little unfair to you in all this."

"A little?"

"Okay, a lot, but it's only because I love you and I don't want you to have to take on more than you should. Family life is so new to you and I don't want to overwhelm you."

"Well, there's something we can finally agree on. I don't want you taking on more than you should either and that includes the job stuff, so how about we agree to do things together from now on, huh?"

"Yeah." She smiled at him then and said, "Speaking of things to do together, with all this extra work I've been doing, we've been missing out on one of the things we do pretty well together." She edged closer to him to test the waters.

"Oh? And what might that be?" he teased.

"Well, it involves just the two of us and with the way I've been working like crazy, I could certainly use the relaxation that comes with it." Since he no longer seemed as angry, she closed the gap between them and rest her hands on his chest.

"And it would fulfill your physical activity requirement, wouldn't it?" he replied as he slid his hands to her waist.

"Oh, yes," she answered just before their lips met in a searing kiss.


End file.
